Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
