Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
