i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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