Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
