Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
