I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
