if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
