She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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