Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
