He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
