When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
