new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My vagina just clenched in fear
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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