hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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