why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
