you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
