I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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