so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
