I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
