I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
