Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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