Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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