Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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