Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
