I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
