Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
