he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
