I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
