he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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