I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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