she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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