I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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