Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
