the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
