U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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