I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
