It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You ruined the universe
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
