The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I enjoy the company of your penis
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
