What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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