Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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