I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
