im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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