I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
