Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
