That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
