Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
