I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
