Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Randomize
