dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
