Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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