you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
