What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
