actually, I'm a sock model
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
