can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
